Innocence Left Behind
by KyosBeads13
Summary: ... Sister Kikyo, I want nothing to do with hurting you but this is the truth. It's been the truth for my now very long life and it always will... A reflection of Kaede's life and a confession that even she has to admitt to herself. [[One Shot]]


**A/N: **_This actually came around when I was joking with one of my friends and I got to thinking ... that could be cute... Well, I assure you it's completely one-sided once you get to the certain part, and no it isn't yuri. It's just our dear old Kaede. Well, I hope you enjoy and drop me a review if you get the chance. :) _

**Anonymous Reviews Accepted. **

**DISCLAIMER:** _Inu-Yasha belongs solely to Rumiko Takahashi, who is a very lucky woman. _

**Innocence Left Behind **

"I've been a very lucky woman over the years. Surviving countless demons and wicked humans, it hasn't been easy. Unfortunately, older Sister, you haven't been as lucky as I. You have passed on from this world leaving only to return after fifty years of darkness and isolation. You must adjust to the life you used to have in the body that you never had, continuing your days blinded by feelings of hate and resentment. And I find that sad, Sister. You died for the one thing that you will never have again, a life with the man you cherished as your soul mate. However I don't think that you want it as much as you used to, seeing as the circumstances have panned out as they have. And yet you've had everything I've ever wished of having. The worst part? I can't hate you for it.

You're the brave priestess who everyone in the village looked up to, you're the one that everyone wished they could be, you set the example and the standards while still being humble. You stood up for me, taught me archery, protected me! How could I ever hate you?

Then why do I?

Why do I hate the fact that you're still strong and beautiful even after being reborn when I am weakened and misshapen from age? Why do I hate the fact that the villagers still look up to you more than they would ever look up to me? Why do I hate the fact that you shot that arrow when I was clearly standing there? You could have let that demon kill me easily, but instead you have only damned me with the fate of only having one good eye. Why do I hate you for that? It's wrong and yet I can't help but feel that way. In all my years of training they have taught me, "In a battle, one must focus on one's self to survive." How could you have looked past this?

It was your feelings for him. He's what changed you. He's the one who made you smile on the rainiest of days, the one who you always held the deepest compassion for in your voice, he was the one who put happiness back in your life. And yet I curse the day that you ever met him, Sister. Not just for your tragic fate but for mine as well.

That boy who you said you had met in the forest, the one who didn't kill you. The way you described his voice, you sounded so passionate. Never would I have thought that you two would meet again. Let alone fall in love the way you did. I was only a young lass at that time, so preoccupied with living my life, I didn't understand what love was. I didn't even want to know what love was; until you met him. I wondered what could have changed you so, what could have made so many years of cold spiritual training melt away in a matter of a year.

It must have been those amber eyes that shown like fire on a cold dark night. A fire that guided your lonely wandering soul out of a thick wood and brought you to comfort and warmth.

Or maybe it was his long flowing main. Strands of ice that cascaded over his shoulder as he stood proud and poised. It danced on the wind separating for only a second then becoming one with the whole once again.

And I have just thought of something. It was everything wasn't it? The way that he smiled only slightly to make you happy, the way that he would tuck some loose hair back behind your ears, the way that he would always ask if you wanted to bring me. Another thing I never understood, why did you always insist that I go?

Surely you wanted to be alone with him but you asked me at least three times if I was sure, then at least five more times if I didn't feel bad. I'd always give you the answer, "Sister Kikyo, please just go have fun, for me." And you would always nod and smile before running off with the impatient hanyou while I sat and brooded on my thoughts. All of which now I regret, because you died. Every single one of those selfish thoughts I hate myself for thinking.

But are you any less selfish, Sister? Dying for him and leaving me here?

Are the feelings that I held for Inu-Yasha any less selfish than that? It's true I can't change my feelings that I held for him as a young girl, but I can say that I believed in them fiercely. Everytime that he would say even "hey runt," was a blessing in itself and I held it dear. However for your sake I quelled these feelings for you, for you're well being. After all I was only twelve years old, but the love that I found for that half demon was pure, but it didn't matter. I've kept it locked away all of my life and suppressed it. Only now am I saying it. And even now it still feels selfish. To him, and to you. Sister Kikyo, I want nothing to do with hurting you but this is the truth. It's been the truth for my now very long life and it always will. I've held a deep soft spot for him one that will never harden, even now that he has moved on with Kagome, and after you being so hurt.

I'm sorry, Sister. But sometimes being selfish is the way to survive, or in your case die so the rest of us could survive without the terror of the Shikon No Tama. So with this, I say my good bye, so the rest of you can survive without my feelings from childhood being a burden on your lives."

"Inu-Yasha?" Kagome said to him softly after Kaede's will was read. "Are you okay?" The half demon stared in front of him, Sango crying silently over the old woman who lay motionless on the floor in natural death.

"Damn it..." he muttered quietly while he brought a hand up to his eyes and shakily inhaled. Kagome put and arm around him and rubbed his back.

"This is the way she wanted it, Inu-Yasha. And I'm sure she's at peace even more now that you know." Miroku had stumbled out of his deep prayer to comfort him.

"Guys, let's give Inu-Yasha a little time." Kagome said taking a sniffling Shippo out of the hut. Miroku coaxed Sango up and into his arms, cooing to her softly and leading her outside. Making sure everyone was gone, Inu-Yasha removed the hand from his eyes and scooted over to the lifeless woman. He stared at her for the longest time, taking in every wrinkle and detail there was. He felt like he should feel guilty but didn't, for some odd reason he couldn't find it anywhere in his heart to be guilty.

"Bye, runt." A single small tear rolled down his flushed cheek as he turned to leave the hut but not before bring a claw up to the root of his hair and slicing off some strands off hair, not enough to be missed but enough to be seen. Setting his long strands of hair next to her Inu-Yasha left Kaede to be buried with the hair that she had grown to love so much.

XxXxXxX

A/N: So yeah, Kaede loved Inu-Yasha when she was little. No Inu-Yasha doesn't consider her more than a sister. I really did tear up at the end ... this is the saddest thing I've ever written! I enjoyed writing this so much. So, let me know what you guys think. This really has become my favorite work. Thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this and be safe!

A Friend in Words,

--KB


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